She asked...

We have been talking about Hannah a lot lately. We are trying to prepare the little people in our home for what is to come. I have heard Emma refer to her as "baby Hannah" and I quickly correct her and tell her that Hannah is 3 just like her! We talk about how mommy and daddy will have to fly to China to bring her home.

Last night when I was putting Emma to bed I said, "Mommy and daddy flew on a plane all the way around the world to get you! And as soon as we saw you, we scooped you up and kissed you. You will be our baby girl forever!" Then she asked the question, in complete innocence, "where was my mommy in China?" Hmmm, what a big question for a little girl. I told her that I didn't know where her China mommy was, but that she had a mommy and daddy forever. I am sure that with every year of her life, this question will surface and take on a new meaning. The day she can really comprehend it will be difficult for all of us. I am thankful that Emma and Hannah will have each other. Their lives started out very different, but within their first year of life, they ended up in the same foster village. And although their journey to a family happened at different times, they ended up in the same family. We pray that as they question their China mommies, that they will come to understand God's purpose for their lives. We are so thankful for both of our little girls! 

Hannah's Journey

I have really struggled with how much of Hannah's story I should share. Her journey to find a family hasn't been as easy for me to comprehend as Emma's was. Emma was found as a newborn, estimated to be a day old, in front of a hospital gate. Clearly, her parents had some compassion for her and wanted her to be found quickly. She had obvious disabilities probably to great for them to financially deal with... and she was born with flaws not widely accepted by the Chinese culture. We have always known that Emma's birthday is not exact, but close within days. Emma was abandoned, lived in an institution and had open heart surgery as an orphan. Thankfully, she came home at 15 months.

Hannah's story is quite different. Hannah was found in February 2010 and was estimated to be 5 months old at the time. Her assigned birthday could be off my months, weeks or days. We will never know. She was near death. Her medical file was very difficult to read. It stated that she was pale and in poor physical state and would vomit easily. I am not going to publicly share where she was found, but it is something I will never be able to wrap my brain around. Already at 5 months of age, she has lived through unimaginable pain and neglect.

Hannah has a long list of special medical needs. I have decided to share these needs because I believe God will use it to bring others to children like her who wait. Her medical file is overwhelming, but we have faith that she will thrive here in the States. First, she has been diagnosed with minor hydrocephalus. This means she has water on the brain. Normally kids with hydrocephalus have much larger heads than their bodies and they are developmentally behind. Her head is larger, but only slightly. Deep down, I just don't believe this will be an issue. We are prepared and willing to go down that road if it is an issue.

Second, Hannah has a heart condition. We were told that it is inoperable, and that she has a "weak" heart. It is extremely difficult to get a correct diagnosis on an orphan in China, so we have NO information or data on her heart. We are certainly stepping out in faith on this one. She has been through 5 major operations (for other issues) and her heart has survived each one with no problem, that is a wonderful sign. We have a wonderful cardiologist here and this will be one of the first things on our list to evaluate when she comes home.

Finally, Hannah's major issue is with her intestines. As my friend described her, "her plumbing is a little off!" She has been through a number of operations to repair this issue. She currently has a colostomy that is waiting to be reversed. This is a hard one for us. We originally asked them to hold on the reversal because we really want it done in the States. First, the care is better here. She almost died from a post op infection in one of her surgeries. We just don't want to take that risk in China again. It will be another 9 months until we get to her, however. That means she will be nearly 4 and still in diapers, living with a colostomy. This is not the healthiest option for her. Also, she is struggling with UTIs. They have partially removed one of her kidneys, and want to remove the rest of it. We believe her UTIs are because of a flaw with the past repairs, not because of a bad kidney. We want to keep her out of the hospital in China but we also don't want to risk infection. It is certainly a complicated matter so we have been praying for God's will. I don't know what to ask for, so I just want Him to take over. He has carried her away from death twice now, so if surgery must happen again in China, we trust that He will save her again!

We feel certain that Hannah is our daughter and brought to us for a reason. We have been amazed at how the finances so far have worked out. We have been planning this adoption since February when we put our house on the market. We knew that we wanted to adopt, but didn't think we would fit in our old house with 5 kids. Nothing happened!!! We were confused about what to do. We had saved for a bigger house, but could also use the funds for an adoption and just stay in our house and make it work.  Finally, a deal came through right before I left for China. When I was in China, I had a little scare. A friend emailed me and told me that Hannah's file had been pulled by a family. I was heartbroken. I felt so much guilt for not locking her file sooner (after spending several days with her, I knew she was mine!) I felt like I had chosen a bigger house over her. It was a horrible feeling. But, things worked out and her file was STILL there.

We moved, locked her file, and started our dossier all in the same week. First up was the home study.... $1,750. At the closing of our home, the lawyers made a mistake and refunded us $1,700. What?!?!?!? Then in the mail that week, I received a $25 check from a friend who meant to send it to me before I went to China. Our home study was covered.

After we moved into our house, our neighbors noticed Emma and said "the lady that lived here before you had 2 adopted daughters from China!" What are the chances? We really felt like God was showing off at this point.

Adoption friends from SFCV started sending me pictures once we announced our adoption. One picture was Hannah sitting in a butterfly jacket. The butterfly took over her entire chest. (I mentioned the significance of butterflies in my last post!) While I was searching through Kenlyn's FB page looking for the original video she posted, I came across a picture of Hannah that she was tagged in. I was also tagged in this picture. The picture was taken many, many months ago before I even knew Hannah was my daughter. I could not figure out why I was tagged in this picture so long ago. It was clearly a picture of Hannah!!! Well, in the far corner of the picture, was one of my sponsor children. The person had tagged me and Kenlyn for that purpose. I thought it was a cool reminder of how God has things planned for us way before we even know it! It certainly made me smile!

Just yesterday I was telling a friend at school all the cool things that have happened with this adoption. How we just know that we are doing the right thing. I kid you not.... a butterfly came and landed on her shirt!!!!! I pointed to the butterfly and said, "that is a whole other story!" As my friend Kyle said, "it is so cool that God can send something as small and simple as a butterfly to confirm what you are doing."

We are waiting on one more dossier document, then we will be DTC. My personal goal was to have papers to China by October 15, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Hopefully by the beginning of November we will be logged in, which puts us at a May/June travel. Keep praying for our girl!

Introducing....

Hannah Fischer

Last March, my friend Kenlyn posted a video of this sweet little girl on Facebook. I have many friends that have adopted and all of us frequently advocate for children that cross our path. I see pictures of orphans daily... and they all break my heart. But there was something about the little girl in the video that made me STOP and just stare at her. I watched the video over and over again. I felt so connected to her even though I had never met her. I looked up her special needs on Shepherd's Field website. It was not something our family had considered, but definitely something we could handle. I tucked her away in my heart for a little while. I talked to Rick about her and just prayed.

 

April rolled around and I decided to email my adoption coordinator to see if her file was on the shared list. She wrote me back immediately and attached her file. I was so excited!!!! That excitement was quickly overcome with anxiety as I opened up her file to the long list of medical needs. SFCV only listed 2 of her needs, but there were a few others on her medical file. I immediately thought it would be too much. I had SO MANY questions that I decided to email Dr. Moody, someone who lives in Ch*na and works closely with this little girl. I listed 10 questions that I had about the file. He wrote back immediately, answering each one of my questions completely. His responses gave me peace about the situation. We decided not to lock her file and to give it more time to think and pray. I would be traveling to Ch*na in June and I knew that a lot of things would become clear to me on this trip.

The second I walked into the clinic and saw this sweet little girl, I knew she was mine. I instantly fell in love with her. I was quickly reminded that she is not a list of special needs on a piece of paper, but a living and breathing child who has waited a long time for a family. Shame on me for being so selfish. 

When we adopted Emma, butterflies became an important symbol. Every time our family would talk about her, or make it to another important step in the adoption process, it seemed that God would send butterflies. I remember one time I had a butterfly land on my arm and sit there. It got to the point where we would see butterflies and the boys would yell, "Emma Grace!"

One day, my friend Kyle and I got to take Hannah and another child on a walk. While walking, Kyle said, "Look... she is staring at that butterfly!" A butterfly was flying around and Hannah was staring at it and following it with her eyes. I had to smile and I told Kyle about our butterfly girl at home. Shortly after this, our group of 4 was talking about adoption and Hannah... and out came another butterfly.

I got an email from an adoption friend while I was in Ch*na and she mentioned that Hannah's file had been pulled. My heart sank. I emailed our adoption coordinator from Ch*na and asked her to check on it. She wrote back the next day and confirmed that her file was still available and had it pulled to the agency list. She was safe until I could get home and start the paper work.

When I got home from Ch*na we started the paper work. Before she was officially "locked" we got an email from our agency saying that another family was interested, so we needed to lock or let her go. We locked immediately. Thankfully, we were able to have a wonderful converstation with our pediatrician who helped with our initial paper work just in time. We received pre approval on July 24, 2012.

We have finished our home study and we are waiting on our final copy so we can submit our I800A. All other dossier documents are complete and waiting for authentication. Our goal is to have our dossier complete and in Ch*na by mid October. That should put us on track for a summer travel.

We are excited and thankful to have the opportunity to be Hannah's parents. My next post will be about all the sweet things that have happened (God winking) to let us know that this is the right thing for our family. I will also briefly describe her special needs in my next post.

Hannah's birthday is September 10, 2009... she is younger than Emma but older than Timmy. We will have triplets :)



  

Happy Birthday, Matthew!

In June, my sweet Matthew turned 5! That means I have another school aged kiddo, and boy is he excited to start Kindergarten in just a few weeks. Isabel, Gavin, Olivia, Brandon, Evan (his cousins) came to party with us and celebrate our boy. We also had Julie, Travis, Colleen, Michael, G&G, Mamaw and Papaw and Gabe here. We played water games, grilled out, and played around the house. 

Here are things I want to remember about my 5 year old:

*he has a gentle heart

*he sacrifices daily so that his sister or brother can have something. Today we were playing a game (Zingo) and we included EG for the first time. He wanted her to win since she hasn't really played games before. Every time a card came up that both he and Emma had... he gave it to her. He always checked her card to make sure she wasn't missing anything.

*he has a sense of humor that catches me off guard. He is SO FUNNY! he comes up with the best one-liners!

*blue blankets are still a must when going to bed... it is so sweet!

*He loves super heroes and star wars. He thinks it is hilarious that I don't know the characters of star wars when he quizzes me

*the boy lives on ham, apple sauce, vanilla yogurt, chicken nuggets and fruit. 

*he loves to catch bugs

*unfortunately, he still wets the bed. big time.

*he loves to play outside and ride his bike.

*He says "mommy?" 500 times a day. When I answer him, he says "I just want to know where you are." Oh my, it is so annoying, but definitely something I want to remember. 

*his feelings are hurt easily- he is sensitive

*he loves to play baseball

Happy Birthday to my sweet little guy! From the moment he was born, this kid has been a piece of cake! He is sweet, affectionate, loving, giving and warm-hearted. I am so excited to have Matthew at school with me next year!

The Many Faces of Emma Grace

and yes, I am well aware of the fact that she needs a bath!

Happy 4th of July

We went to the Fischer house to celebrate 4th of July with a parade and swimming. The kids always have fun! Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July!

Here are all of the Fischer cousins. For the record, Eden (who is sideways) was very well behaved and Timmy was screaming his lungs out making this a very difficult picture. I just happened to get this shot with everyone's face showing and looking half way happy. 

Day 6: Making Bags

I am a little delayed in writing this post, but I want to document what we did! We were all very sad on our last day in the village. We wanted to spend the majority of our time with the kids. We spent time loving on the babies in the clinic (my favorite house!) but also made our rounds to House of Peace, House of Blessings, and Zachary House. After lunch we helped Dr. Ana put together "play bags". The staff has problems keeping toys in the house... they seem to disappear and the children are left with very little to play with. Dr. Ana had an idea... create tote bags of toys designed for toddlers and babies. A volunteer or intern can come check out a bag, then go around to the houses to play with the little ones. There is a checklist on the bag so the volunteer can know what goes back in the bag. When the volunteer is finished playing, the bag gets returned and checked by Dr. Ana. This way toys do not get lost. We thought it was a great idea! So, we made 7 toddler and 7 baby bags with labels. They were all developmentally appropriate.

We got to test out our work later in the afternoon. I took a toddler bag to Isabella. Jamie and Mitzi took a baby bag to entertain the babies. It was great! Isabella loved shaking the music instruments and I found that she loves puzzles. I imagine she had never seen a puzzle before. I showed her how to do it and she got the hang of it. She is a smart cookie!

Here is Isabella playing with the toys from her bag. When we were finished playing, the ayis let us take her on a walk. She had a busy and fun day!

This is sweet Melanie from Zachary House, born without arms or legs. She was amazing. She could crawl, turn the pages of a book, and grab toys. Sadly, we got news yesterday that she passed away suddenly. There is a chicken pox epidemic and they believe that her body could not handle the virus. Many people are grieving the loss of this special young lady, including her family in the US that was waiting to adopt her. 

The bags we created for Dr. Ana

Vincent and Isabella on a walk. 

Sweet Cindy from the clinic

Our last Chinese dinner 

We all shed some tears when we said good-bye to the children. What a sad day. I am thankful for a place like Shepherd's Field... it is one of the best places for an orphan to live. But at the end of the day, it is nothing compared to the love and care of a family. These kiddos need and deserve families just like millions of other kids around the world. It is eye-opening and heartbreaking to spend a week with orphans. I wish that everyone could experience this type of work and love.