Hannah's Gotcha Video

Here is a link to Hannah's gotcha video. It's only taken me 2 year... better late than never!

Click HERE.

ALL things

We adopted Hannah in the spring of 2013. Hannah was born with an anorectal malformation that was repaired in China after several attempts. She was also born with a number of kidney defects that resulted in several operations in China. Each operation left Hannah with a complication and an infection, fighting for her life. She lived as an orphan in China for 3.5 years, and spent over half of that time in the hospital. Children born with anorectal malformations have complicated anatomies, and often need a collaborative approach to care. As you can imagine, most children born with this condition in China do not have access to the quality of medical care needed. These children are often very sick, and have a poor chance at having a high quality of life as they grow older.   

Hannah came to us with a colostomy that needed to be reversed and a non-functioning left kidney. We were prepared for these things, and had the right doctors lined up to care for these issues. The first few months home were a whirlwind of appointments with specialists. We learned that Hannah had a number of urological issues, and was living with only half of a functioning kidney. Her bladder was deteriorating, and her kidney was on borrowed time. I had so much to learn and at so many points in this journey, I felt completely overwhelmed and alone. I had no idea what her future would hold, or the quality of life she would have as she grew older. Not to mention all of the reconstructive surgeries she would have to endure to stabilize her body, and the long term care that would be needed to keep her healthy. We went through some pretty dark days in the beginning, and we shed many tears together. She had been through so much in China, and the road was going to be just as hard here. She had suffered greatly, and at such a young age. There was so much unknown that it was easy to be swallowed in fear. But, there was always this truth that I clung to…     

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Big things.

Small things.

Happy things.

Sad things.

Scary things.

Exciting things.

Uncertain things.

ALL things.

What made this journey especially hard was that there was no one to talk to about it. It was so hard to go into detail with people that could never comprehend the anatomy of a child born with an anorectal malformation. As God always does, He led me to a group of women who are now “my people.” People who have walked this same medical path and can look me in the eye and say, “I get it, I know exactly how you feel and I am here for you.” We gathered for a medical conference the first weekend in June to learn from each other, and the world renowned surgeons who care for our children.

I walked away from this conference with an overwhelming feeling of hope and empowerment. Not one ounce of my daughter’s journey has been wasted. God is using her story, and the story of others just like her, to educate and provide courage and hope to people in the thick of it. I stand in awe of a God that can provide that type of redemption and grace.  

Our children’s stories started out so desperate.

Abandoned.

Fighting for life.

Multiple operations.

Post op infections.

Kidney disease.

Colons that don’t work exactly as they should.

Urological issues.

Complicated anatomies.

Poor medical treatment.

As parents, we have adopted these beautiful children, who are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we have often felt weak, alone, and frightened of the future. The pain and suffering these children have gone through with their bodies has brought us to our knees in tears. Many times we are left feeling hopeless and afraid. But God is using this for good.

With these beautiful children in our care, the road is still hard.

We travel to seek out the best specialists.

We learn about new medical procedures that are not heard of by most practicing physicians.

We sit through appointment after appointment, praying for good news, but often getting difficult news.

We go through multiple operations, with months of recovery.

We have to weigh the pros and cons of every medication.

When our kids spike a fever, or become unusually tired… we have to question the true cause.

When one thing is going well, something else will go wrong.

We worry.

But God is using this for good.

Jesus tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 
2 Corinthians 12:9

And I believe that he is also whispering these truths to us...

You know that orphan who was found abandoned, dying in a hotel bathroom? I am going to use her to bring hope. I'm using this for good. 

You know that orphan who was born with a sick kidney, and nearly died from infection and insufficient medical treatment? Well, I saved her, and I am going to use her to bring hope. I'm using this for good. 

You know that orphan who was born with a colorectal issue? One day I am going to provide the best medical treatment possible, and I am going to use him to bring hope. I'm using this for good.

You know that orphan who was so complicated, Chinese doctors wanted to give up? Well, I provided a way for her to live, and I am going to use her to bring hope. I'm using this for good.

These are the stories that we heard over and over again. We all came from such long, hard roads, yet here we sat together, providing hope for the future through the power of our testimonies. God has not wasted any of our hurt OR their hurt, and He is using it for so much good. 

Our children survived as sick orphans in China. Our children found the perfect doctor, at the perfect time, to bring healing to their bodies. Our children survived 12 hour reconstructive surgeries, went through months of recovery, and now run, jump, and play like every other child. Our children go to daycare, preschool, and elementary school. Our children swim, dance, play sports, zip line, ski, and rock climb. 

Our children grew up to attend middle school, high school, college, and medical school, living ordinary lives. Our children are providing encouragement for younger children still in the middle of it all. Our children are advocating for orphans in China with the same condition. Our children are connecting parents from all over the country so we can learn from each other. Our children inspired us to reach out to an organization in China to create a healing home for orphans with this medical condition. Our children helped to name this healing home. Our children are uniting together to make a difference for those living with this complex medical need. Our children inspired the top surgeons specializing in this condition to go to China to teach and train other surgeons. Our children are thriving. Thank you, Lord, for bringing so much goodness into our lives through these fearfully made children. Beauty from ashes, indeed. 

We stand in awe of how God can use ALL things to work for the good of those who love him.

HE who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

Revelation 21:5

The Letter

My family has been through a lot in the last 4 months. Hannah had a major reconstructive surgery in New York City, my grandfather passed away just a few days after the surgery, and then my sister-in-law and brother were in a tragic car accident that left my sister-in-law fighting for her life. It has been one wild ride, but there has been beauty in it, too.

A few weeks before the surgery my grandfather called me to thank me for a gift and to let me know he was praying for Hannah. He was also scheduled for surgery, and he talked about it like it really wasn't a big deal. But, it was a big deal, especially for a man his age and in his condition. He never left the hospital after that surgery. His heart failed.

My grandfather gave a Bible and a personal letter to each of my children. This is a treasure that we will keep and give to our children when they turn 18. What a special keepsake to read the words from your great grandfather, a man who lived a long life, and chances are you don't have a memory of. This man loved them, but most likely, they won't remember him because they were so young. We adopted Hannah in April 2013, and he had not yet given us a Bible for her. During our last phone call he did tell me that he had her Bible and her letter and would give it to me soon.

He was not able to give it to us. I left Hannah in the ICU with my mother in law, recovering from her surgery, and went to his funeral. At the funeral, they talked about how he read his Bible daily, and he didn't underline the verses that were meaningful, he put blocks around them. They shared some of his favorites.

After the funeral, my grandmother gave me Hannah's Bible and told me not to read the letter now. Well, I didn't listen, and I read it.

4-30-14

My Dear Great Granddaughter, 

I'm sitting in my home thinking what I want to tell you. We did not know each other very well living so far apart, however I wanted to let you know you're loved by all. As I sit here I am tired of so much rain and little sun. If you're reading this, then I have passed on. However, don't feel bad as I'm in Heaven under the custody of our Lord Jesus Christ. Hannah, I have underlined some verses in your Bible that mean so much to me and maybe you may find them helpful in your life. Many things have happened since I wrote this note to you. If the Lord _____ much longer there will be much more to happen. For this reason, keep your eyes on Jesus and he will keep you through problems. Hannah, trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and He will direct your path. Hannah Faith, please, I love you, and need you to follow Jesus and we will make each other happy.

-Great Grumps
{Grandpa's handwriting is hard to read! I couldn't make out one of his words. :)}

Oh goodness, reading those words after burying my grandfather was almost too much. The magnitude of it all just really struck me. My daughter, who was an orphan just 14 months ago, had a great grandfather who prayed for her and wanted nothing more than for her to follow Jesus. I left a funeral home where so many people were crying, yet his words say "don't feel bad, as I'm in Heaven under the custody of our Lord Jesus Christ." It was such a powerful moment for me and a precious reminder. This life is not all we have. We are going to have problems and heartache and sorrow, but there is a beautiful prize waiting for us at the end.

In the last few weeks, we had some discouraging news regarding Hannah's remaining kidney. It is sometimes hard to NOT think about the future and what it holds and to be overcome with fear. I have to remind myself that this a journey made to take one day a time. If I worry too much about the future, I'm going to miss the present. Right now, my daughter is healthy and strong. She is growing. She spends her days laughing and running around with her siblings, who love her dearly. She wakes up and goes to bed at night, knowing that she is loved deeply and completely. When I was thinking about this letter from my grandfather, I decided to flip through her Bible and read the verses he boxed in. It was so perfect for where we are right now.

"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:5

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Thanks, Grumps. I needed to hear this. I know these words were meant for Hannah on her 18th birthday, but I needed them today. 

Fall is in the air

My goodness, almost 3 months since I last posted. School has started back and we are settling into our routines. I am back to a full time working mom of 5. It's so hard. We are right in the middle of baseball season, our house is always a mess, and I am learning the ropes of my new job at school. Things are SO BUSY.

The last 3 months were so very hard. Hannah's recovery was intense, and I can't tell you how thankful I am that it is now all behind us. For the first 6 weeks, we pretty much stayed home. It hurt her to walk, and she had 2 giant tubes with urine bags attached to the them, strapped to her leg. Every time she walked, her bladder would spasm. We went back to NYC on July 29 for her tube and stent to be removed. I thought this would make everything "all better" but that wasn't the case. Her new healthcare plan was hard for her to learn. It caused her pain and she fought it. My goodness, can that girl fight. She still had one tube left in that served as her "emergency" in case anything went wrong. That tube still caused her to spasm when she walked too much. We weren't expecting that. Things were way better than before, but still not great.

5 weeks later, Hannah had her second tube removed. I was expecting things to get better after that, but nope. It was still hard. BUT, I feel like this weekend she finally turned a corner. For some reason, she just seems stronger to me. Her stamina is returning, she no longer spasms, she isn't in pain when she plays for a long time. The best part is she is done fighting. We can care for her and she welcomes it. She is smiling all the time and I feel like her personality is back. I think we have turned our corner. It has been almost exactly 3 months, and I feel like we have finally made it. We are so ready for life to return to normal, whatever normal really is! Here are a few pictures of Hannah and the other kids.

Hannah waited 3 months to swim! We went to All About Kids for her birthday and she had fun walking around the pool.

Here are the Fischer cousins with Grandma and Grandpa.

I love my girls.

My biggest boy got to pitch his first game. He did an amazing job. It was so fun to watch him strike out so many hitters!

Here is my girl. Completely healed and thriving. We are so very thankful. I can't wait to see what this year will bring her!

Guess what?!?!

Hannah was discharged from the hospital today! At day 9 post op, Hannah was free! This was beyond our wildest dreams. We thought she wouldn't be discharged until Monday, then we would have to stay for a week locally, and not get home until the second week of July. I love surprises like this! We have to stick around NYC until next week and get clearance from the doctor before we can fly home. It is so much nicer for her to lounge around the hotel. I think she is relieved to be out of there! She seemed to turn a corner over the weekend with her pain and mobility... And each hour seemed to get better and better and better!! She was moved out of ICU on Monday and did fabulous with the change. By this time, her personality was back in full swing. She started eating food, went potty like she needed to, was walking (although not well...) and was taking all her meds orally like a champ. From a hospital stand point, there wasn't anything else she needed. She just needs time to heal! We are still struggling with her blood pressure, but hopefully it will come down now that she isn't so stressed in the hospital. We got all her meds and medical supplies and came back to the hotel to chill with our family. Now that we have a light at the end of our tunnel, we are counting down the days until we leave. God continues to protect and provide miracles for our Hannah! 

This was Hannah yesterday. She cried, moaned and groaned the entire time she had to walk. But, as soon as we left today, she walked to the car from the stroller with no issues at all. :) stinker!

OT got her up and playing. She loved these magnetic dress up dolls... Which reminded me I have an entire box of them at home.

Hannah was excited to leave!

In the car on the way back to the hotel. Woohoo! I'm so happy to have all of this behind me. It looks like we will have a month of our summer to play after all!!

Day 5 post op

Here we are 5 days away from surgery. My family made it in town Friday afternoon. Hannah was still in pain this day and not really up for much. The kids had been in the car so much, that rick and I took them to Central Park to run around and get some energy out. They liked climbing the big rocks, but thought the bus ride was boring! Kathy stayed with Hannah through the afternoon and Friday night. Saturday was good for Hannah. It seems like she turned a corner with her pain. They increased her continuos pain meds so that she is getting more through her pump. This has been working! She didn't need Valium at all today and they didn't have to give her any extra pain meds. She was mostly comfortable. PT came today and made her walk around the bed. She hated it, but she did it! She also had her NG tube pulled today. I'm sure that is more comfortable for her. She seems more like herself today. She is interacting more and seems more settled. Hopefully this is our turning point! We are still in ICU because of her blood pressure. Hopefully we will move to the floor on Sunday. 

My kids are so exhausted! Matthew fell asleep on the way to the park. 

I'm so happy to have him with me for a week!

 My little New Yorkers :)

Hannah had a bath tonight and is watching a movie before bed. I'm hoping for a good night!

Day 2 post op, start of day 3

Day 2 post op was fine. She was a little more uncomfortable than the day before. Dr. Alam feels that her bladder is having spasms. They are giving her Valium every 8 hours, but she is still not settled. She is needing a lot more pain meds to take the edge away. She doesn't really like to move around, but it is important for her to start doing it! We played in bed a little bit and she watched a whole lot of tv! It was just a slow day with nothing major to report on. Her NG tube is hardly sucking anything out and the drain in her stomach is also producing close to nothing. These are all great signs. Her urine is becoming less bloody and more like normal urine. The one issue at this point is her blood pressure. We can't get it down. We struggle with her blood pressure anyways, so this is nothing new. She is on 4 different meds for her blood pressure. 2 of them are IV drips, so we are stuck in ICU until these drips can be taken off. At this moment, her blood pressure is where they want it. We just need it to stay like that so we can decrease the drips. I am hopeful that tomorrow is her day to move to the floor. The only  other thing we need to happen is her bowels to wake up! When she starts passing gas, they can start her on liquids. This will be a big milestone for us in the recovery process.

We had a little hiccup in our plans this week. My grandfather passed away Tuesday night and his funeral is on Saturday. We are trying to figure out how to get to the funeral with our family but keep someone with Hannah that can advocate for her needs and is current on her status. Hopefully she will be out of ICU, and a little more stable before the funeral.

This is a little gift she got from Rick's cousin. She had fun playing with her balloon and making a princess purse!

The PT brought her this tiara to bribe her out of bed. It didn't work, but she loved the tiara!